Homework and projects seemed like a blessing after dealing with 2 weeks of silence from Jesse and Emma and various students taking notice of me, thanks to Shane’s amateur clip of me on Facebook. The only project I was looking the least forward to was the week of workshops for our final stories. Rachelle and some other girl’s story were first to read and critique. Professor Sykes told everyone to try to find one good thing or more that the author did well, note something they could improve on, and write a summary of your findings once you came to the end.
“She screamed bloody murder because there was the gun, the very gun that she saw Mememori pull out on that unsuspecting girl weeks ago,” I mused as I read through the other girl’s story. My eyes darted back and forth with fierce speed and intensity. Surprisingly, this wasn’t so bad after all – not like I was some horror buff but it had good pacing and was very good to imagine. Once I reached the end, I fished out a pen from my bag and began writing notes on my copy of my classmate’s story.
Good pacing! Quick read and easy to follow.
Could work on character development a bit – why should we care about your main character surviving this serial killer?
Glad this is different and suspenseful.
I flipped back the pages of my classmate’s story and put it away. Then I remembered that stupid Rachelle wrote a story too for this week’s workshop, so I pulled it out of my folder and braced myself for a $5 teen romance novel.
You need to distinguish your characters and speakers more clearly – had trouble figuring out who was saying what.
Nice names – they stay with you.
Why should we care about these characters? What makes them human or likable?
Watch your sentences – they start becoming run-ons.
As I was wrapping up my final comment on Rachelle’s blah high school prep drama, a shadow hovered over my paper. I lifted my head up as two hands covered my eyes.
“Guess who Maroney?” a voice said.
“Hah very funny Dany, you know that’s not my last name!” I said.
Dany lifted her hands away from my eyes and smiled. “I know but you share the same first name as Mademoiselle Not Impressed!”
I shook my head at her and she took a seat at the library table I was sitting at. She leaned her elbows on the table and asked me if I had eaten yet.
“Good! How does curry rice sound?” she asked me. “And we can talk about how your life is going in school and how I’m doing with the big, scary real world.”
I put away my stuff and slung my bag over my shoulder. “You read my mind Dany.”
“Uh yeah, the uh beef curry rice with a milk tea to drink,” Dany said to the waiter.
“I’ll have the katsu curry rice with milk tea to drink, please,” I added. “Oh and I would like extra spicy for the curry please.”
The waiter scribbled down our order before taking our menus and making a low bow before leaving.
Dany folded her hands on the table in front of her and prompted me to tell her about my studies.
“Not much is going on,” I muttered. “Same old same old with projects and lots of homework.”
“Your comedy spiel isn’t considered anything going on? she prompted.
I winced unhappily at the mention of it. “Ugh, you saw the video?”
She nodded and ran a hand through her short hair. “I liked it! What’s wrong and why the ‘ugh’?”
My lips pursed to the side and Dany cracked up. “Warning! Mckayla Tang is not impressed!”
I smiled faintly and replied, “The two people that Shane caught in his film were mentioned in my talk and they were less than thrilled that I called them out on some of their flaws. But I blame Jesse for making me get up on stage in the first place.”
“Here are your drinks and your food should be out shortly,” the waiter announced as he plunked down two glasses of milk tea.
“Thanks man!” Dany said as she picked up her glass and took a sip. She wiped away the milk tea mustache and looked me dead in the eye.
“Kay, I like what you did and if those guys have problems with it, then they should have straightened up and changed those problems,” she stated. “Sometimes people don’t wanna hear the truth but you know what? It’s good to have someone say something instead of letting it just slide. They’ll thank you later once they take their egos out of the equation.”
“Thanks Dany,” I said. “So uh, how about you and film?”
Dany shrugged and talked about her latest set of projects she had been helping with. From filming to acting as a lighting manager, she had done a lot for only being out of university for a year. Our food arrived as she was discussing an idea for a documentary in Korea during the summer.
“A documentary? How are you going to handle the costs for traveling?” I asked.
She swallowed a mouthful of beef and rice and wiped her mouth. “I talked to a travel agency who wants to promote Korea more so they offered to fund our trip there in exchange for using the documentary as promotional material for their clients,” she replied.
“I’m really excited for you Dany,” I replied.
She shrugged modestly before continuing to dig into her meal. Eating extra spicy curry seemed to numb the pain of dealing with Jesse and losing a few brain cells from reading Rachelle’s story. Yeah, this wasn’t so bad after all.
“What are you going to do now?” Dany asked as she drove me back to my dorm building.
I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair. “Homework I guess. That and praying to God that I did better on that Calculus exam than the last one.”